Heavy Thoughts

I finally did it! I finally got a car/minivan. I will never forget the day that Kenneth suggested that our next vehicle be a minivan (Ashlyn was a baby at the time). I told him I would NEVER drive one and that I was too young to be behind the wheel of one of those things. LOL. Boy am I eating my words now. Let me be the first to say that I LOVE this Odyssey. The purpose of our new car is for me and the kids to be able to get around without having to worry about the car cranking or stopping etc. and for us to have a safe way to travel to Texas. Ah, Texas. The place that will take me away from all that I have ever known. From my roots, the state that I call home and the family that I want to spend eternity with, that I was raised with, that love me. This may be melodramatic for some, but I am not the wandering type. I love where I am and I'm with the ppl I love and that love me so why go any where else? That was my way of thinking. I haven't been thinking at all about how real it is that I'm moving so far from my family. I haven't been thinking about not being able to call up my nearest and dearest friends to see if they want to bring their kids over to play, or have a girls night. I haven't been thinking about my new neice and nephews that will grow not knowing who Aunt Heather is or my older neice and nephew who will miss me, but especially my children. I haven't thought about all of the bday dinners for my sibblings and their spouses that I'll miss out on. Or Mother's Day and all other holidays I will miss. My mom gives the BEST hugs, I'll miss those a LOT especially on those hard days. My sisters. Oh my sisters! We are so close and I'll be out of the picture missing everything. My little sister is a new stay at home mom. Who will she hang out with and run to when she's going stir crazy or needing help? Who will Wendy and Matt play "Hand-n-Foot" with until 4am? My girls won't be able to visit Aunt Amy and Jade will REALLY be asking where Uncle Matt is now! When Amy and Matt expand there family where will I be? When Dallin starts showing his personality and growing who will I show it to and who will get just as excited as I will? I haven't cried yet because I haven't allowed myself to think about the hard stuff so that I can avoid the feelings and tears. Well now I'm lying because while writing this I began to cry and honestly admit that I still am. I know it sounds really dramatic, but please bare with me as I "spread my wings and grow." I don't know what is in store for us in TX, but it's obviously important that we go. Otherwise we wouldn't have sold our home in 7days, we wouldn't have found the perfect apt., I wouldn't have found a reliable vehicle and the buying process would not have been SO easy. I wouldn't have recieved all the help that I have and I wouldn't be having the wonderful experiences that I have. I KNOW that this is what our family is supposed to do. Of course I could just tell Heavenly Father no thank you and that I'm going to stay here with my family where I'm comfortable. It would be REALLY stupid, but I could do it. But I won't. I know that we are going to gain experiences in our life to teach us and help us grow. We will face trials, and we will be prepared for them because of these experiences. I know all of this to be true. And more importantly I know that my Father in heaven will be there all along the way holding my hand and my head up. Now I just have to think of a way to not break down completely infront of my children after saying good bye to my family. If they don't cry I can probably manage it. But if you know me and you know how sensitive I am to feelings and emotions, then you also know that the rest of my family is the EXACT same way. Hmm. Maybe I should have my brother-in-law Jim drive the car away until I can gather myself. I'd hate to wreck my new car because I couldn't see through all of my glossy tears. I don't see a cop having pitty on me for that one. Well enough of the crying and drama for now. This is what is on my mind tonight.

Baby Dallin Update

Dallin is now 2 and 1/2 wks old. Wow those two wks were like counting down to your wedding day, (the longest wks of my life)! So the mastitis was horrific and then Dallin decided he didn't want to latch any more and he and I would both get very frustrated and it was horrible. Needless to say I am now pumping. That electric double breast pump is the greatest thing in the world! The inventor of the breast pump is going to heaven. lol. While Dallin and I were going through our nursing trials he quit gaining weight. He didn't lose any, but wasn't gaining so I'll be taking him to the Dr. office for a weight check on Thursday. I've been giving him formula and breast milk. I started drying up so I don't make enough every feeding time to fill up his tummy. He eats 4oz! I thought at this age they only eat about 2oz, maybe he's having a growth spurt and trying to catch up on his weight. After giving birth we women are pretty hormonal, but I must admit that I don't think I have EVER cried so much. It was hard without Kenneth while I was having such a hard time. My mom has been great, but we really do NEED our husbands. Huh, they do serve a purpose! JUST KIDDING! I can't wait for next weekend to see Kenneth and finally be together with my whole family. So...it's time to brag on my boy. He is the BEST baby ever. The boy is a sleeper. Heavenly Father has taken mercy on my soul and given me a baby that is well tempered amid all the trials I'm facing. He is just so content all the time. Well, feedings are sad because he always gets a tummy ache after eating and burping. I'm not sure if it's because he gets breast and formula milk, or if he's just sensitive, I'm not sure. I'm considering changing his formula. We shall see. He's so sweet and cuddly and I am just really enjoying every moment with him. His sisters are so in love with him. Of course Ashlyn thinks she's a big girl and that means that she can hold him whenever she wants no matter if I'm around or not. Scary! We had to lay down some serious ground rules. Jade goes to him all the time and rubs his face or head and says, "Hi baby!" or "Hi Dallin!" Oh I wish you could hear her say it, too cute. He's very patient with his big sisters, well for now anyway. I love his LONG fingers and the way his hair comes to a natural mohawk (sp). He loves the pacifier and takes it SO well. He looks like three different ppl to me. He looks JUST like Kenneth. He makes faces that remind me of my older brother Jesse, and of Kenneth's little brother Kevin. He is one handsome fella. I think his hair will continue to lighten and he will be a blondie like his father. We are so in love with him!

We are currently looking to buy a new, used minivan. We found one we like and they are transferring it to Cola from Atlanta. I can't wait to test drive it. If I love the way it drives and feel like it's right we will buy it asap. My current vehicle will NOT make it to TX, muchless down the street. lol. I'm excited about getting a newer car. It surprised me with how excited Kenneth is about it, especially a minivan, but he is. We have looked at the Toyota Sienna XLE and the Honda Odyssey Touring and EX. We LOVE the touring, but it's the most expensive, so we're sticking with the EX. We like the Odyssey more and found a good deal on one, lets pray it works out. Well he just fell asleep so it's time for me to put him to bed and get some sleep myself. I'll update again when and if I have some time.

A baby boy

Now that I'm home from the hospital and Dallin is 10 days old it's time to tell the baby story. Originally I was to be induced at 5am on Friday Feb. 19. To my surprise I was told they had a full house and needed a few more hours. They told me to call back at 8am. Thankfully Kenneth and I were able to get some more sleep. So we got up and I took a shower and did my hair and make up before leaving, (I didn't want to scare the poor baby). We got their at 9am and I was given the pitocin at 9:30. At 12:10pm they broke my water. At 1pm I was given newbane and phenergin. Right after I was given the pain meds I immediately began slurring my speech and losing the ability to keep my eyes open. Luckily I've had these meds before and knew what was coming. lol, Kenneth LOVES to tell everyone that I actually snored after falling asleep. I slept from about 1:10 to 3:30. After waking up Kenneth suggested I get checked again. I had gone from 2cm to 4cm during my nap. At 4pm I requested the epidural because the contractions were really getting hard to breathe through. At 4:15ish every laboring woman's favorite man entered the room to give me the epidural. I was really struggling with the contractions by this point even after he was done. Usually you begin to feel a SLIGHT bit of relief. Well I was getting REALLY uncomfortable feeling lots of pressure etc. The nurse checked me and I was at 9cm. She called the nurses station and said call Kenneth in NOW and get the midwife! They luckily entered the room at the same time and as soon as Kenneth was by my side they said okay Heather push, (hence the reason the epidural had no time to work). Eight minutes later there was our little Dallin. He was born at 4:28pm and weighed in at 7lbs 8oz. 21 and 1/2 inches long with beautiful blonde hair and the longest fingers I have ever seen on a baby! He's absolutely perfect. He's a VERY sleepy baby unfortunately for me. It's quite difficult to nurse a sleeping baby. To make a long story short the second day I was home, (I left after 24hrs so that I could share Kenneth with the girls) I noticed something just wasn't right with my breasts. I could feel the milk let down, but it never came out, well except when he ate. So after a day or so of my milk coming in I got mastitis. For those of you who don't know, mastitis is an infection in the breast. You get a high fever and flu like symptoms and it hurts like you know what. I will spare you all of the gory details, but it was the worst experience I've had and one of the most spiritual experiences too. I am so grateful for the restoration of the priesthood.

We had Kenneth for a full 5 days. After not seeing him for two months it was really wonderful getting to finally spend time with him. I never understood how wives of military men made it through, and now I REALLY wonder. 5days was great but of course it wasn't nearly enough. Ashlyn begged for Kenneth to take her with him and she cried so hard as we watched him being driven away. I would have taken him myself with the girls so that we could all say goodbye, but my car is on it's last leg and we didn't know if it could make it their and back. My brother in law took him and it was difficult to say goodbye. My mom cried just as hard as Ashlyn! She said she didn't know if she could let me go in March. That is a day I try not to think about. Oh the headache I will have after the tears from that day!

We are very blessed and so in love with our little baby boy. I can't wait for us to be together in Texas and see what the Lord has in store for us.